You Got Nailed!
by LSR-7
Summary: A humorous version of my fanfic For Want of a Nail. Reading "Nail" is suggested before reading this one. Please Review!
1. Part 1 Messed with the Prologue

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You Got Nailed! 

Here is the prologue of "For Want of a Nail" altered slightly for humorous purposes. I haven't really done any humor pieces, so please bear with me. Tell me what you think.

A pillar of white light flashed onto a circular platform and disintegrates to reveal Folken and Hitomi on the middle of a metal disc.

"Where are we?" a startled Hitomi asks her tall companion. 

"Disney World!!!"

***

"Everything is now in place," a gravelly voice says behind her. She turns away from Folken and looks up to locate the voice. Dornkirk continues, "All of the pieces have come to me. The time has come to use the full power of the Fate Alteration Engine. All is proceeding according to my will."

"Your will?" questions Folken.

"Yes," Dornkirk answers, "I guided fate so you would bring the girl from the Mystic Moon to me."

Folken's shocked face quickly turns to anger. "Just how far do you plan to toy with fate?!"

"A foolish question. You should know my true intentions," the emperor answered calmly.

Folken's eyes narrow as he says resolutely, "Then you should know what I'm determined to do."

"Yes. You've come to give me a sponge bath, correct?" No fear was evident in the old man's voice.

Hitomi is shocked and quickly turns to face Folken to see if what Dornkirk had said was true.

***

"Come, kill me. I am the only one here."

"Whoa Whoa WHOA! Hello you ego maniac! I'm here too!" shouts a very annoyed Hitomi, her arms crossed across her chest. The two men sweatdrop.

***

Folken pulled out his sword that had been resting on his left hip with his true hand and flapped his powerful black wings.

"Folken-san!" shouts Hitomi anxiously.

The metal plates around Emperor Dornkirk lift and separates in a cloud of steam. His cold laugh can be heard echoing in the immense chamber. In the veil of the steam he can be seen standing with his withered arms raised.

"Come, Folken!" he laughs mockingly, raising his arms past his shoulders.

A mask of rage slipped onto Folken's face. His eyebrows bunched, eyes narrowing into slits and screams, "Monster! Put your clothes back on!"

"Huh?"

"Geez, like anyone wants to see a two-hundred year old man naked. Shame on you! A lady is present!" Folken scolded.

Confusion was written across the old man's face, but he complied and had the sheets pulled back up around him.

"It's been many long years since I have been in the same room with the opposite sex," the emperor mumbles to himself.

***

That's it for messing around with the prologue… for now!


	2. Part 2 Messed with Chapter 1

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You Got Nailed!

Part 2

From Chapter 1

Darkness. It was always dark. He didn't know when it started, just that it was all he knew. Nothing but black darkness surrounding him. But it was now coming to an end. Folken saw the light at the end of the tunnel and lunged for it.

"Oh no you don't!" yelled Lea as she tackled his legs.

"Nooooooo!" he screamed as the author dragged him off.

***

"Hello. I'm Sarah. I've been taking care of you for the past month," said the young woman. "Can you please tell me your name?"

A puzzled look came over the young man's features as he looked at Sarah. She had black, wavy hair that went down her back, with a dark blue headband that kept her thick hair from going into her face. And she had such startling ice blue eyes that seemed to pierce into the young man.

"Sexy!"

The two young adults looked around, searching for the strange voice that came out of nowhere. Sarah coughed into her hand lightly and replied, "Well, that was odd."

***

A puzzled look came over the young man's features as he looked at Sarah. She had black, wavy hair that went down her back, with a dark blue headband that kept her thick hair from going into her face. And she had such startling ice blue eyes that seemed to pierce into the young man.

He attempted to speak, but found that his mouth was sticky and throat dry and he started to cough.

"Water," he croaked.

Sarah reached over to the nightstand where a pitcher of water and a glass were placed. She poured the water into it. She then held it towards him. He pulled his right hand from beneath the bed covers for the glass and gasped.

"What is it?" Sarah asked with concern as she put the glass back on the table and came a step closer.

"Come closer," he whispered.

She came up against the bed and was swiftly pulled in. The next few minutes was blotted out by the naughty author, but we can't help but hear a few giggles and some sounds that we are better off not knowing about.

***

"My arm. What happened? What is this?" he asked in a raspy whisper, his voice trembling while looking at his metallic and right-handed claw.

"I thought you would know. The men brought you in like that," Sarah replied quietly. "Do you remember anything?"

"No," he murmured. He put his hand beneath the covers again, as if to hide it from view. His pale eyebrows were knitted together in painful concentration as he tried to remember something of his life, a name, a face, anything.

He found that he couldn't and a tear escaped his eye. He felt his muscles start constricting as his body began to shudder and started sobbing quietly.

Sarah gently leaned over him and slowly wrapped her arms around him, whispering into his right ear, "Shh. Don't worry, we'll find out who you are. It'll just take some time…" She continued murmuring encouraging and soothing words to him. His left arm came out from under the covers and hugged her back as he quieted down and his tears subsided.

'Hehehe, the ladies can't keep their hands off me!' thought Folken. 'Hey, where's her hand going? Oh!'

"You pervert!" yelled Sarah as she pummeled him with a pillow.

"Wha-?!"

"I'm a telepath!"

***

If you guys have any funny ideas to help me along, or want to submit some of your own humorous versions of my story, or bits of it, please send them to me and I'll see what we can do.

My e-mail is LSR_7@yahoo.com

Thanks!

-LSR_7


	3. Part 3 Messed with Chapter 9 and added a...

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You Got Nailed!

Part 3

From Chapter 9

John noticed her pause and felt the tightening of muscles in his back as Sarah's fingers gently probed the two lumps on his back. Suddenly the area between his shoulder blades spasmed. He heard a startled gasp come from Sarah and felt very light and fuzzy things land on his back.

He opened his eyes and sat up. A gigantic mass of ash gray feathers floated down and he saw Sarah standing stalk still, staring at something beyond his shoulders. He caught something at the periphery of his vision and turned his head. What he saw utterly shocked him.

Two scrawny naked wings.

"Well, what did you expect? I'm molting."

***

Brittany and Lindsey ran up to Sarah as fast as they could while hiding something behind their backs.

"What did you two do?" asked Sarah, curiosity taking hold of her.

"Look what we made!" Brittany said joyously.

The two girls whipped out a grey mass. Sarah bent down and studied them carefully. She realised that it was the children's rendition of John as a doll. It had two grey bundles of feathers that were supposed to be wings. They were still dripping with paste and were tied with string onto a cottony body of scraps of cloth. Sticks poked out of it, 'Arms and legs,' Sarah guessed.

And on top where the head was supposed to be a lot of aqua-silver threads that looked convincingly like real hair was glued on.

Sarah smiled at the five-year-olds and said, "I'm very impressed! Where did you get all these materials?"

Before they could answer she heard John mumbling down the hall and looked up. Her jaw dropped open in disbelief.

"Good morning," he mumbled, clearly not totally awake and sadly unaware of the havoc reeked upon him.

Unnoticed by him his wings were out and patchy, half his hair had been shorn off, and, as he walked by the shocked Sarah, pieces of his pants and shirt had been cut out, some in places that should be covered.

"John!" Sarah yelled as she dashed off after him.

***

Well, how did you guys like this? I'm new at trying make things funny on purpose. I make my friends laugh by just being me which doesn't take too much effort, but it's hard to make things funny when done on purpose, especially when writing it.

Please review.


	4. Part 4 Messed with Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

John stared at the open door. He decided to try and explore a little. Besides, he felt that he needed to find a bathroom to relieve himself. He then thought with embarrassment and disgust how Sarah probably had also cleaned up after him.

He pulled the covers back and brought his legs off the bed. His feet touched the cool wooden floor. His muscles didn't feel too stiff so John assumed that Sarah moved his limbs around for him while he had been unconscious. He heaved himself up and staggered onto his feet. He clutched the bedpost then let go as he tottered over to the doorway. He grabbed the doorframe and looked down the hall. It only went to the left because to the right it was a dead-end right next to the door. Down the length of the hallway were doors.

'Must be the other patients,' John thought.

He looked down at himself and gasped, "OH MY GOD!!!"

We follow his shocked gaze and find him wearing heavily padded, dependable white Depends.

When he finally shuffled up to the door he saw that Sarah was changing his bed sheets. She heard his footsteps and looked over her shoulder.

"I was wondering where you went," she said as she tucked the new sheets into the mattress and then straightens the sheets out more. She finally finished fixing the bed and began folding the old ones. She turned and gave an amused smile when she saw him hugging the bed sheet around himself. She walked towards him and he wondered what she was going to do.

She had a strange glint in her eyes and he only had a moment to ponder this when she suddenly grabbed the sheet off of John. He yelped and tried to reach for the sheet, but she sidestepped away from him and giggled.

"On the bed NOW! We're going to play 'Doctor'," Sarah stated, then giggled.

John arched an eyebrow and a slow smile spread across his face as he complied…

(Okay, so that was probably a bit naughty rather than funny.  Oh well…  Hey!  I had to do *something*!  It was waiting for me to twist it!  LOL!)

Well, that was really short.  I can't think of anything else to mess with in Chapter 2 and I am *not* going to even bother with the whole bathing scene because my mind seems to be in a rather naughty set at the moment and there are too many opportunities to twist something in that part.  :-P


End file.
